Caregiving Crisis: Moms are rising up
We're not gonna take it. Oh no, we ain't gonna — wait, gotta get the laundry, do a work call and did you remember to meal plan BEFORE ordering groceries?
Hey everyone,
I don’t know if it’s spring fever, one-year pandemic anniversary rage, fury at all the racist hate and mass shootings (again) sweeping the U.S. or some combination, but Moms Are Angry. And we are taking action. To me, the air seems palpably different. And not just because I’ve increased my fresh air and sun exposure exponentially these past few weeks.1
Women have a “new kind of rage,” as the Atlantic puts it. There are so many injustices out there right now. We don’t want to go on this way. We can’t go on this way. We need society to prioritize opening schools over bars and restaurants. We need workplaces to offer flexible and remote work and become more equitable in all types of representation. We need more "on-ramps" for mothers, to offset all the "off-ramps,” Reshma Saujani, creator of Girls Who Code and Marshall Plans for Moms told CNBC. We’ve been waiting and we’re taking action2.
In my New Jersey town, parents are organizing because our school district is far behind in bringing kids back to the classroom (teachers/district squabbling). The New York Times anchors a story about parental angst here: “These parents have filed federal lawsuits, held protests, created online petitions and stormed virtual board of education meetings to demand expanded in-person instruction.” All over, I’m hearing about parents putting down hefty sums for private school or figuring out how to set up their own charters or co-ops (and yes, lots of privilege there). They’re not waiting.
Kids have had it, too. An eight-year-old in California figured out how to lock herself out of Zoom "accidentally" and was able to miss class for weeks. I don't blame her.
Moms are going on strike, like my beloved Mama Bear. Twitter was lit up this week by an exhausted woman who stopped doing dishes and laundry and refused to replace the toilet paper roll. Jezebel, Today.com and others paid attention. In Australia, a woman writes about offloading to her husband the mental load of feeding their dog. Neither of these efforts work.
In Georgia, Asian-Americans, many of them women, are taking action following the deadly shootings that targeted AAPI women. A Chinese American woman protesting last weekend told Politico she had never spoken up about issues affecting her community in her 30 years in the U.S. But that shooting changed her.
I’ve been feeling and seeing this anger and momentum. It’s revolutionary. And Katherine Goldstein, host of the excellent podcast 'The Double Shift’, summed it up perfectly this week in a tweet.
We have been radicalized.
Let that sink in. All that we’ve been through has changed us. We are angry, motivated and ready to fix this mess. I’m empowered and inspired to use my voice to inform and raise awareness about these crises. Thanks for coming along with me and spreading the word. Message me with any and all feedback. Tell me your story so we can get the word out. Let’s do this.
Special, eternal thank you to Caregiving Crisis reader, friend and graphic designer extraordinaire Rebecca Silber for designing CC’s new logo. I can hear that clock ticking already. Thank you!
What To Know About the Caregiving Crisis This Week
NEWS WATCH: WEEKLY ROUNDUP — Keeping tabs on legislation, regulation and conversation:
Over 190 U.S. companies urge Congress to pass a federal paid family and medical leave policy. Companies including Salesforce, Patagonia and more sent a memo to Congressional leaders saying it’s an economic imperative to work with the White House to include permanent leave in the forthcoming $3 trillion "Build Back Better" recovery plan. “With an equal paid leave policy in place, we can help stem the historic tide of women leaving the workforce and ensure that low-wage earners and people of color have the time they need to care for themselves and their families,” says the letter from the nonprofit Paid Leave for the United States. The country is far behind others in offering paid time off for new parents. Just this week New Zealand approved providing paid leave after miscarriages.
Congresswoman creates caucus for single parents. Congress approved the request from first-term Rep. Nancy Mace, R-S.C., this week. The mother of two middle schoolers plans to use the group for "bipartisan brainstorming," she told media. She’s also introducing legislation that would provide tax relief specifically for single-parent families affected by disrupted schooling and other pandemic issues.
Katie Porter, D-Calif., also in her first term, is another prominent single mom in Congress. Among the things her Family Savings for Kids and Seniors Act would do is tie the amount you can pay for child care tax-free to inflation. That amount, many of us know, is $5,000 a year. It hasn't been increased since 1986, she told the 19th last month. There’s a cost to do things and there’s a cost not to, she explained: “I think that’s something that we need to get much better about spelling out for people. What is the harm of women exiting the workforce and staying out of the workforce? That’s a very measurable harm to our GDP, to our global competitiveness, to the development of talent. “
Bottom line: It’s shameful that the U.S. doesn’t have paid family leave. We needed it yesterday. Looking forward to seeing how different factions of caregivers and parenting are represented in the new Congress. More representation means a better chance at better policies.
EQUAL PAY DAY ROUNDUP: MINIMAL PROGRESS, MAXIMUM ANGST —
This week marked the 25th anniversary of the first Equal Pay Day, created to call attention to how long into a new year women have to work to be paid what men earned the prior year. In 1996, women made 75 cents for every $1 earned by white men and Equal Pay Day fell on April 11th, the 19th reports. A quarter-century later, we're up to 82 cents on the dollar, and the symbolic day moves up some two-ish weeks. And that's women as a whole. Women of color have many months to go.
At this rate, it will take until 2059 for women as a group to achieve equal pay, per the Census. But Black and Hispanic women will likely have to wait a whole century, C. Nicole Mason, president of the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, told the New York Times.
If we do nothing, “my daughter, and daughter’s daughter, will not see pay equity in their lives,” Dr. Mason said.
There are so many issues at play and the 19th does a fantastic job of walking through three big ones: the occupational segregation that makes women more likely to take on the lowest-paid jobs; pay secrecy, which means women don't know what they even should be making; and the caregiving crisis (no explanation needed).
Here's a look at Equal Pay Day highlights this week:
Megan Rapinoe says she has been “devalued, I’ve been disrespected and dismissed because I am a woman.” She and teammate Margaret “Midge” Purce attended a White House event on Equal Pay, where Biden signed a proclamation and called for passage of the Paycheck Fairness Act. Rapinoe also testified earlier in the day about gender discrimination at a hearing of the House Committee on Oversight and Reform looking at the effects of the pay gap, particularly on minorities. She’s a major critic of the U.S. Soccer Federation's treatment of the women's national team and led the gender-discrimination lawsuit filed against the league in 2019. The fight doesn’t end, no matter how much women excel at their jobs, she said.
“One cannot simply outperform inequality or be excellent enough to escape discrimination of any kind,” Rapinoe said in her opening statement.
Men must be part of the solutions for caregiving, equal pay and so much more, writes Venus Williams in British Vogue. She's the first woman tennis player to receive equal prize money to her male counterparts and she's using her platform to fight for global pay equality.
"Sexism isn’t a women's issue any more than racism is a Black issue. Men need to understand gender equality is about equal opportunities for women rather than men relinquishing power," she writes.
The Covid-19 crisis has artificially improved the pay gap. Don’t believe it. The female labor force has been reduced and most of the job losses were for lower-wage workers. Missing out on these lower-wage workers means women's wages rise relative to men's, Harvard economics professor Claudia Goldin told the NYT. But underneath the numbers, she says, many lower-paid female workers are struggling.
Single moms are hit the hardest. Custody arrangements can help — or hurt. Moms typically are paid 75 cents for every dollar paid to fathers, while single moms earn just 54 cents. But having a 50/50 parenting schedule means women are 54% more likely to earn at least $100,000 a year than those whose kids are with them most of the time, according to the Single Mom Income and Time-Sharing Survey, per CNBC. Negotiating ahead of time can help moms have flexibility they need to work.
Women are scarred by pay equity. The 19th features comments from readers about equal pay that go back over 20 years. They include: women finding out that others, with less experience, made more than them; asking for more money and either getting the raise or getting fired. These terrible experiences stay with women, not to mention what this persistent gap does to bank and retirement accounts and quality of life. One then-new mom described advocating for a new role and getting a 30% salary boost. "The decision set the tone for my future income and showed me I should always ask and advocate for what my work is worth." (IG rec: Follow negotiation expert Alexandra Carter for inspiring ways and reasons to ask for more.)
Bottom line: I wish we didn’t have to have this day, but we do. Where will we be in another 25 years? Glad we have more — and louder — voices leading the charge to fight for the next generation entering the workforce.
AREA MOM FINALLY TAKES THAT WELL-DESERVED BUBBLE BATH —
Caregiving Crisis reader Heidi Lewis of East Silver Spring describes her quintessential pandemic photo to Washington’s City Paper for a one-year retrospective:
“I’m working in the bathtub while my daughter plays with a water table I dragged inside to entertain her. It tells the story of my year because I’ve had to perform in a job that actually expanded during the pandemic, while working from home and taking care of two small children with my husband. No one asked parents if we would homeschool our children, but we stepped up and did it—for the safety of our community, for the health of teachers and staff, and for our country. But you cannot underestimate the enormous toll this has taken on people in a primary caregiving role that were stretched thin to begin with.”
Bottom line: We all stepped up. The toll was — and is — huge. And we’re going to keep stepping up. Also, water table in the bathroom is 💯. Get that bubble bath, Heidi!
Signing off
Thanks, as always, for reading. Please send feedback, articles, gifs, screaming mom memes. If you find value in this newsletter, please spread the word.
Caregiving Crisis is a newsletter written by Emily Fredrix Goodman. We aim to publish weekly but other things may get in the way.
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