Caregiving Crisis: The Equal Partner Continuum
Interview with gender expert Kate Mangino, Anne Hathaway is đĄ, daycare is a controlled substance and ok we're just waiting for Roe v Wade news at this point. đ
Hey everyone,
Kate Mangino has gone around the world â to Malawi, Zambia, Indonesia â to lead sophisticated conversations about gender norms.
But at home on the playground? Sheâd hear how mothers and fathers were splitting (or not) household duties⌠and she wanted to enter these personal conversations from her professional vantage point as a gender expert.
Her new book âEqual Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Homeâ is her way to start a conversation â showing that equal partnerships are a continuum, they require a lot of work, and, ultimately, they leave both sides better off.
I was lucky to speak with Kate, who has a PhD in human rights and social development, recently ahead of her book launch on the 28th. We talked about her difficulty in finding partners, her advice for those wanting to establish them and what she sees as the benefits. What follows is a condensed Q&A:
You approached this book by studying men who were equal partners. How did you find them and what did you learn?
I originally targeted 50 men who were equal partners, but after 18 months I got 40, that was disappointing. I wanted men of all different backgrounds. I had a rubric and reached out to them (sourcing them through other gender experts).
The rubric had questions like âAre you comfortable taking care of the household when your partner is away? Do you regularly do an average of 40-60% of the household chores: including physical and cognitive tasks?"1
Also, their partners had to agree with their responses.
Your findings show that caregiving is beneficial to men. What did you learn?
When men participate in caregiving, their physical, emotional and sexual health increase. You have a better relationship with your partner, better sex life, better emotional outlets with people, so better health because you're not keeping as much inside. (When men suppress emotions you see high blood pressure and depression.)
The men I interviewed didn't feel they gave anything up. Instead their lives are so much richer from this new behavior. We need to normalize that and elevate those voices.
And for women, you can work toward your professional ambition, your earning potential, you're probably happier, have higher emotional health because you have time to connect with friends and hobbies.
What's your advice for people who want to have more equal partnerships?
The first thing is to be honest about where we are. We need to stop overpraising men for doing work at home. We need to be honest about what our male partners, colleagues, brothers, friends do. If a man is a helper, if he cooks when asked, does bed time when asked... that's a hands-on husband. It's better than our grandfathers did. But they're not equal partners, not anticipating needs, not carrying the cognitive weight. It needs to be close to half.
We are also doing our kids a disservice. Boys growing up are thinking they can get half credit for doing a third of the work. And girls think they need to praise partners, but they need to pick up the slack.
Our actions are incredibly important but so are our words. I think if we can say to our kids, "Dad and I don't have an equal partnership. I kind of wish we did but we don't. Let's talk about how this impacts you."
Gender requires intentional, direct conversations. More than once.
You stress that gender equality is a continuum, and I really appreciated that framing. Can you explain it?
Unfortunately it's not a switch you can flip. Not everyone needs to be equal partners. It's a continuum, their own situation. Even if you just move a few notches toward equality, that would be enough.
And if your own partnership is not going to change, then what you can do is help the next generation growing up put more equality into their relationship. I think we need to be forgiving and understanding. This is a marathon not a sprint. There's not necessarily a winner and loser, we can all be a part of it.
Thank you to Kate, for the conversation. Iâm excited that your book is coming out and will shake up the conversation about equality in the home.
Also coming out in the next few weeks: the documentary based on Eve Rodskyâs best-selling âFair Playâ book. If you havenât seen the trailer yet, watch it. You will feel seen! We plan to have an interview with Eve in next monthâs issue before we pause for Tired Mom Summer. đ
Thanks for being here. These are important conversations and weâre hopeful they will ignite more movement nationally and beyond. The road is about to get bumpier (see Roe below, ugh.) Please message with your thoughts for future issues. Our next monthly issue is July 29th. See you soon.
What To Know About the Caregiving Crisis This Week
NEWS WATCH: ROUNDUP â Keeping tabs on legislation, regulation and conversation:
ROE V WADE DECISION COMING â In the next two weeks, before SCOTUSâ term ends. Itâs likely the Court will overturn Roe, putting reproductive rights back in the hands of the states. (See OG Politico leaked report from May). If the decision doesnât come today (rendering everything in this newsletter woefully unimportant), itâll come late next week. If/when it happens, half of the U.S. will likely lose access to abortion rights.
For a glimpse of the future, check out this WaPo story about a teen who found out she was pregnant two days before Texasâ ban went into effect. Her twins are three months old.
RAISING A MIDDLE-CLASS KID LIKELY COSTS ABOUT $286,000 â Surely everyone forced to have kids when they lose access to reproductive rights can afford this, right? (CNBC, not worth reading beyond the headline.)
FREE CHILDCARE FOR ATHLETES, MEDIA MISS âHURDLEâ PUN2 â Track & field phenom and mom advocate Allyson Felixâs new initiative is providing childcare to women athletes, starting with those at this weekendâs U.S. National Championships in Oregon. Felix says women shouldnât have to scramble for childcare to compete. Molly Dickens, whose &Mother org and Felix sponsor Athleta are backing the project, writes on LinkedIn that breaking barriers like childcare accessibility can impact women across industries.
IS DAYCARE A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE? â There is no high like a first-time daycare high.3 McSweeneyâs nails it.
Itâs expensive, itâs addictive, itâs impossible to get your hands on, and the government definitely doesnât want you to have it: itâs called daycare.
ABOUT THAT FORMULA CRISIS â The shortage has persisted since February and the White House continues to bring in formula from other countries (Mexico shipment this weekend). Low-income workers continue to be hard-hit, unable to pay higher prices or spend time going to different stores looking for supplies. (WaPo looks at the impact on farm workers.) Just as important, Anne Hathaway is ANGRY. She points out the dichotomy (my word, not hers) in the U.S., which is likely to take away reproductive rights and yet doesnât support families (see formula crisis, lack of paid leave, exorbitant childcare costs, etc. Vox has a good write up.) ANYWAY, formula updates:
No Extra Protections for Nursing Workers: The Senate failed to pass a bill that "would have extended breastfeeding protections at work to at least 9 millionâ at a time when formula is hard to get, the 19th reports. The PUMP for Nursing Mothers Act, which the House passed, would have closed a loophole in a âbreak timeâ law that left out some occupations including teachers and some nurses.
Abbott Halts Production at Michigan Plant: This time it's flooding that knocked out the plant at the center of the shortage, Reuters reports. The Sturgis, Mich. plant had been reopened for a week before it closed again.
Biden Admin Grapples With Response: CNN dives deep into the "White House's Spring scramble" to handle the crisis. The FDA and the administration have been criticized for their slow response, and Pres. Joe Biden has been "haunted" by questions about the delay in emergency actions and why they werenât informed of the âgravity of the situationâ until months after the plantâs closure.
Bottom line: Kicking it back to Anne Hathaway. Let out the anger, mama!
MEN FOR ABORTION RIGHTS â Men are joining the pre-Roe-overturn fray in arguing that the loss of reproductive access affects all people, not just women. (The American Medical Association has also just come out saying abortion rights are human rights.) But letâs get back to men because humor. Comedian W. Kamau Bell has a new video out timed for Fatherâs Day and beyond, talking about how dads have benefited from the right to choose.
âThroughout history, dads have enjoyed our position on the sidelines cheering on the action, but we canât afford to do that at this critical time,â says Bell. âAbortion and bodily autonomy are human rights. And Iâm here to welcome dadsâand everybody else on the sidelinesâinto the fight.â
âMen need to be on the frontlines of the battle for bodily autonomy,â Adam Mansbach, the bestselling author of Go the F*ck to Sleep, and writer of the video by Offsides Productions tells The Daily Beast.
Bottom line: Watch it and spread it.
OhâŚthereâs a knock at the door⌠uh oh my spidey senses are picking up whiffs of Obsession by Calvin Klein and Aqua NetâŚ
Ah! Foremost economist Blanche Devereaux! You know, thereâs always drama when she appears. Blanche, whatâs that? Louder! You have to talk over your shoulder pads.
CAREGIVING INFRASTRUCTURE CANâŚHELP INFLATION? đ¤ â Itâs true! Blanche and her actually accredited colleagues, along with Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden and others are writing op-eds and telling media that the record inflation in the U.S. could be helped in the near and longer-term by unpassed policies within Build Back Better like paid family leave and childcare subsidies. (Shoutout to the UKâs record inflation too.)
Inflation would have been "restrained" had Congress passed the plan, write two academics in an op-ed in The Hill. Providing paid leave and lower-priced childcare could have: gotten more women working, expanded goods and services the economy provides and boosted consumer spending.
And it would help with our future competitiveness - because compared to other nations like Canada and France, U.S. women have lower rates of employment4.
There are now 5 million more job vacancies in the U.S. than there are workers, and this "unprecedented" labor market means businesses have to raise wages to attract workers and prices to pay for it ala inflation, Brookings researchers write.
Bottom line: Childcare won't *solve* inflation. Supply chain issues account for half of inflation and thereâs the war in Ukraine. But with Fed Chair Jay Powell now saying recession is âcertainly a possibility,â donât we want to solve for childcare to get women working and strengthen the economy? (I mean, we want to do it anyway but maybe now the naysayers will believe it?)
Signing off
Thanks, as always, for reading. Please send feedback, headline puns and favorite Anne Hathaway emotions. If you found value in Caregiving Crisis, please share with a friend. See you soon.
This issue is sponsored by CareForce: the driving force in reimagining how we care. Bringing together builders, storytellers, funders and leaders to create the infrastructure of care we all need for the 21st century. Learn more.
Caregiving Crisis is a newsletter written by Emily Fredrix Goodman. We aim to publish monthly but other things may get in the way.
Kate was kind enough to share the full rubric to find her Equal Partners 40. I think my husband passes?! (This is happening)
1.   Are you aware of gender inequalities in society?
2.    Do you understand the concept of emotional (or cognitive) labor?
3.    Are you as comfortable with a female boss as he is with a male boss?
4.    Does your partner work outside the home / participate in the economy?
5.    In theory, do you think it is OK for a woman to earn more than her male partner?
6.    In practice, would you be (or are you) comfortable with your partner making more money than you?
7.    Do you regularly do an average of 40-60% of the household chores: including physical and cognitive tasks?
8.    Are you comfortable taking care of the household when your partner is away? (This is especially important for dads! Because a home with kids means a lot more work.)
9. Does your partner agree with the answers you gave to the above questions?
**Also, to be interviewed for this book, the EP40 could not have full time domestic work - such as a nanny or housekeeper. Not that those situations are wrong, but they are rare and not available to most middle-class Americans. In order for EP40 stories to be relevant to a large portion of the public, it was important that they did not have full-time outside help.Â
Why did no one write a headline about the hurdles of childcare and track and field?! Done the right way, it would not sound flippant. We need all the puns we can get. Come on, media! - Signed, I used to write headlines so I can say this, New Jersey.
I will *never* forget the feelings of ecstasy that summer of 2020 on the first day our son (then 5) went to camp. He was out of the house for over an hour for the first time in about four months. What a RUSH.